A Call for No Action - a counterintuitive practice I use in my life coaching

Have you ever had a moment when you were about to jump in and fix something - solve a problem, comfort a child, give advice - but for some reason, you couldn't or didn’t? And then, almost magically, the situation resolved itself? I know that I have, and so have many of my clients in my life coaching practice. It’s a relief and a reminder, even funny at times, how much power we give ourselves. And how, if we can just let that go a little, things can sometimes fall into place on their own.

I love working with my clients, they’re incredible. And you know why? Because they all want to improve. Themselves, their relationships, their circumstances. They show up ready to grow, to take action, to make things happen. But through all the different questions they bring me, there’s a common thread I keep coming back to: Knowing when to act, and when not to. That fine line between making something happen and letting something unfold.

That made me think about the urge. The rush. The tak-tak-tak pace of our lives. The way we’re wired to always do: to fix, to respond, to jump in. Someone asks for help, we move. A problem pops up, we solve it. A message arrives, we reply. Fast, efficient, capable. It feels good. It feels like control.

Not Doing ≠ Ignoring

Not acting can feel uncomfortable. Even wrong. Not helping right away - as a parent, coworker, or spouse - feels off, doesn’t it? We’re wired, and taught, to take initiative. To have a sense of urgency. To stay busy. From school to the workplace, we’re rewarded for being proactive, solving problems fast, and always doing something.

Don’t get me wrong, helping those in need is both noble and right. There’s a time to step in, to support, to take action. Having worked with tech companies, I really loved and often enjoyed this: solving problems, failing fast, being effective, sticking to the 2-minute rule. I still believe in taking action, not waiting around for someone else to fix things. Every day, I strive to help my clients feel empowered to do just that.

But - I've come to realize that sometimes we overestimate the power of taking action, especially the urgency of acting right now. We assume jumping in right away is always the best move. And in the process, we end up being less effective - more stressed, more reactive, even burnt out. And in many cases, we’re even robbing others of the chance to find their own solutions.

So really ask yourself: What if I did nothing? Nothing at all.

3 life coaching questions to ask yourself

Does the mere thought of not doing something about an issue scares you or make you feel outraged? I get it. But that’s exactly why it might be the right challenge for you.

Yesterday, my daughter called out from the other room:

"Mom, come help me!"

My instinct? Drop everything and rush to help her. But instead, I paused. Let’s see what happens, I thought. A few seconds passed, then, I heard in a proud little voice:

"I got it!"

So what if you took a breath? Sat back for a moment? What if you asked yourself these questions and truly observed the issue at hand?

1. Does it actually need fixing?

   Your friend is turning to you for advice. Maybe they just need you to listen, not solve.

   
   

2. Even if it needs fixing, does it need fixing right now?

   Your kid asks for help - what happens if you take a beat before stepping in?

   
   

3. If it does, am I the really the right one to step up?

   An issue at work - do you need to handle this alone, or can you involve your team or escalate it?

Does this sound familiar? At work, with friends, with kids? How often do you act just because you think you should, when really, a little space, a little trust is all that’s needed?

So, to you, my highly effective reader: I invite you to remember a call for no action.

Step back, observe, and then - maybe - act. Or do nothing. But do it with intention.

And perhaps - God forbid! - even with a little less effort.

About me

I’m Nelli, a psychologist, career and life coach who helps people find the balance between action and letting go. Sometimes the best move is no move - and figuring that out is half the work. Curious to explore this in your own life? Let’s talk. Book a session and let’s find your balance together.