Lately, with the end-of-year festivities in full swing, I’ve been reflecting on the rituals in my own life. What makes some routines feel grounding and meaningful while others feel like I’m just going through the motions? That curiosity led me to some fascinating research on the difference between habits and rituals. It’s something I’ve discussed with clients in mindfulness coaching, and I wanted to share it with you too.
Ever feel like you’re living life on autopilot? Turns out, you probably are: research shows nearly 40% of our daily actions are habits. And that’s not a bad thing. Habits help us get stuff done without overloading our brains. But they can also feel a bit, well, dry. That's when rituals come in.
Habits get things done, rituals add depth
Habits and rituals provide structure. They help reducing the mental load of constant decision-making. But because we spend so much time on autopilot, these seemingly small actions also hold incredible power to shape the course of our lives. Consider this: good habits, like regular exercise or a healthy diet, create a strong foundation for well-being. Meanwhile, bad habits - like spending too much time scrolling in the evenings - can gradually drain your energy. Small, habitual actions add up to the big picture of who we are and who we’re becoming, or as author Annie Dillard puts it:
“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
So what are rituals? They’re the things that make those same moments feel personal, grounding, and dare I say, a little special. There’s a subtle but powerful shift when habits become something more. According to behavioral scientist Michael Norton
"The ritual is when you get to the how. So how you do them starts to matter."
" The way in which you do them, your own personal way, means more to you. The very same simple, boring actions can sometimes get imbued with more emotion, more meaning, more something. That’s when it moves from kind of the mindless habit to something a little bit richer."
In other words: it’s not about what you do, it’s about how you do it. And that how makes all the difference.
You don’t need candles or a mantra to create a ritual. You just need to care about how you’re doing something. For example:
Habit: Brewing coffee or tea to wake up.
Ritual: Brewing coffee or tea in your favorite mug, taking a breath, and letting yourself savor the first sip before the chaos begins.
Everyday rituals that bring connection
Rituals don’t need to be complicated, they just need to matter to you. Here are a few simple ones to consider, or tweak to make your own:
Morning pause: Before diving into the day, take a moment to breathe, stretch, or set an intention.
One-line journaling: At the end of the day, jot down a thought. Something you learned, felt grateful for, or want to remember.
Mindful meals: Take a few seconds to actually taste your food or enjoy your coffee without distractions.
Bedtime connection: Every night as I tuck my toddler into bed, we have a little ritual. I tell her about our day and ask, “What was your favorite part? Was there anything hard?” It’s such a grounding, mindful moment, not just for her but for me too. It makes me think about the ups and downs of the day and the story I tell myself about it. What’s surprising is the ripple effect: during the day, I’ve started noticing the small, beautiful moments that I know I’ll highlight later.
End-of-year reflections: your best mindful rituals?
As we wrap up the year, it’s a great time to pause and reflect.
What was your favorite ritual or habit this year? Something that helped you through the day. Maybe it was a new, intentional habit or ritual that brought you comfort or joy. For me, it was a morning walk, even if it was just 10 minutes. I will bring it with me to the new year.
What’s one new ritual you could add for the year ahead? It could be as simple as a mindful pause in the morning, a weekly check-in with yourself, or a small way to connect with someone you care about. For me, I’d like to create a mindful connection ritual with my family during the morning rush. Something similar to our bedtime routine, because starting the day with intention feels just as important as ending it on a good note.
Your meaningful every days
What’s one habit you could elevate into a ritual? Start small. Don’t overthink it. Find something that you're already doing and add a moment to make it special. Because when you approach the everyday with care and attention, you’re not just getting through life, you’re creating something richer, deeper, and more connected.
About Me
I’m Nelli, a certified counseling psychologist and coach, helping people find meaning and connection in their personal and professional lives. I incorporate mindfulness techniques to guide clients toward greater clarity, intention, and fulfillment in their daily lives. As we near the end of the year, I’m offering a special one-time reflection coaching session to help you make sense of this year’s lessons and create a vision for the year ahead. Let's connect for a free first chat!
References:
Norton, Michael. The Ritual Effect: From Habit to Ritual. Harvard Business School Press, 2024.
Dillard, Annie. The Writing Life. Harper & Row, 1989.
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